Cliffhanger

{Via}

I’ve decided recently that “cliffhanger” pretty much describes my life, especially right now. One cliffhanger after another.

We don’t know what’s going to happen, frequently.

And I don’t like it.

First, it’s what’s going to happen regarding our infertility (and obviously that’s ongoing). Then it’s what’s going to happen with our jobs (I need a new one that pays better and gives me insurance/benefits, Kyle just needs one that’s going to pay him regularly)? After that it’s what’s going to happen with our living situation?

Ugh! I hate cliffhangers! I don’t watch suspenseful movies very often because I don’t like how they make me feel, all anxious and nervous. Give me a RomCom any day over something that’s going to make my blood pressure rise!

I know I haven’t shared a lot about what we’re going through but suffise it to say, we’re moving…in less than a month.  Anxious is an understatement to how I’m feeling.  I want to throw up, and had to hold it back several times this morning.  I’ve got next to no appetite even though I’m forcing myself to eat when my tummy is rumbling at me.  I have to figure out what to put in storage and what I can live with in one room, because we’re more than likely moving in with my inlaws for awhile.  How do you condense a lifetime of crap into one room?!  No freaking clue!

This is the sacrifice we’re making while Kyle is in school for the next few years.  And a sacrifice it is! I don’t know how to deal with this.  I despise moving, everything about it!  I moved so often growing up that I told Kyle when we got married that I refuse to move constantly.  We’ve been lucky in that we’ve been in our house for 6 years but UGH!!!  I’m freaking out!

We’re 32 freaking years old and moving back in with our (Kyle’s) parents! I’m having a very difficult time with this.  Right now we have a great relationship with them. I don’t want us living with them to ruin that.

The two things that are giving me the most anxiety are:

1. Milo. He’s 13 years olds and an indoor cat that goes outside when we’re home, if he wants.  He’s also a royal pain in the ass!  He pees on anything that’s left on the floor & I’ve never been able to get him to stop. I put up with it because I’ve had him since he was a kitten and I love him despite this annoyance, but I don’t think my inlaws are going to be so accommodating if he’s peeing on their things.

2. I have Celiac disease. I’m afraid of cross-contamination. It’s easy enough to deal with when we just visit but how will it work living there? I just don’t know.  It makes me very nervous.  As of this moment it’s not 100% that we’ll be moving in with them but I’d say a good 98% it’s going to happen.

I just want to cry.

I almost did on my way to work this morning.  Would not have been good to show up with puffy eyes. The only thing I’ve told this client is that we’re moving. I don’t want to share anything else with them.

Aside from our infertility this is probably one of the most difficult things we’ve had to go through / deal with.  I’m trying with all my might to lean on Jesus but I’m just horrible at changes and letting go.  It’s hard!  I’ve been reading Jesus Calling daily which definitely speaks to me regularly.  (I can’t remember now who recommended it but I thank you, whoever you are!  It’s been a blessing in my life for sure!)

Have I mentioned that I hate cliffhangers?  Cuz I do!  Seriously wishing my life wasn’t one big fat cliffhanger right now!

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Comments

  1. I found your blog about a month ago and have been following you. I feel your pain on moving in with your in-laws. We are doing the same thing this weekend for the same reason! My husband wants to go back to school but we can’t with things the way they are now. I had been ok but dreading it recently. I almost feel like reading your post today was God’s way of telling me that it’s not as crazy as I think and it is the right choice. Thank you for sharing it!

    Debbie

  2. IntenseDebate is at it again, deleting comments. Grrr! Sorry Friends!

    Mrs4444 commented on Cliffhanger – http://meganswishingwell.blogspot.com/:

    Hi, Megan. I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this! I recommend giving in to that good cry–I don’t think anyone would blame you! I’ll be praying for you…

    Site/Blog URL: http://www.halfpastkissintime.com

    *****

    @difbutdeterm commented on Cliffhanger – http://meganswishingwell.blogspot.com/:

    I second the giving in to a good cry. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

    Site/Blog URL: http://twitter.com/difbutdeterm

  3. Mrs4444’s & difbutdeterm, thank you! I agree, I need to just cry, but it’s hard for me to let it just flow. I’m sure there will be a time in the near future when it all becomes too much and I’ll have to let it go. *sigh*

    Debbie, glad we’re not alone in this crazy situation. Prayers for you too! And thanks for commenting and letting me know you’re following along. I love to know who’s reading my musings. 🙂

  4. I’ve been following for a month or two as well..so sorry to hear about your moving/situation! I’ll be praying…

  5. Hi Jen, welcome! 🙂 Thanks for the prayers!!

  6. I understand your anxiety. I moved in with my in-laws after just 6 months of marriage and I was 40 years old. We stayed for 10 months until we were able to buy a home. I look back at those 10 months, and though they weren’t ideal…they were a stepping stone to something that was so much better. I just didn’t see it at the time. Hang in there and know that it’s just a temporary solution to something much better. Andy yes, I agree with the other…a good cry never hurts!

  7. Thanks Kellie! I know we’re not alone in this situation, but it’s still stressful. It’s nice to know that there are others that have traveled the same path though. Thanks for the encouragement!! <3

  8. I’m so sorry that you are going through this right now. Hang in there – and give me a call if you need/want to talk!

  9. Just happened upon your blog; hope the move goes well, ugh! My husband and I moved 4 times the past year, 1 of which was to live with my parents, and have probably 2 more moves coming up, fun fun. It’s crazy, but you’ll make it through :). You’d be surprised at how much of the “stuff” you have in storage you’ll never miss. We drove across country with everything we owned in the back of our jeep, it was so freeing not to be trapped by things and “stuff!”. Now it’s hard, and you can’t imagine making it out alive, but I have a feeling it might be one of the best times in your life :). As long as your inlaws behave…………

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