This Is Normal, Right?

I’ve never been a really nervous driver.

I’m pretty confident.  I’m aware of my surroundings and I’m cautious, but I’m confident.

Admittedly, I’ve also got a lead foot, but I also know when to tone it down and be more careful than aggressive.

In my opinion, I’m a damn good driver.

This accident has thrown me through a loop though!

I feel like I’m a Nervous Nelly now.

Today, for instance, is a nice day.

{If you haven’t heard, the Seattle area has had a total of 78 MINUTES of Summer so far this year.  Yes, really.}

The sun is out, but it’s not hot.  Right now at 5:50 pm, my computer says it’s 70 degrees.

July 6th, the day of my accident, it was the hottest day of the year so far at 84 degrees.

As I’m driving home from work today, I, again, avoided the freeway going north.  I’m ok going south, but I just don’t want to go north.  I have only one time since my accident, except when Kyle’s been driving.

So as I’m driving home, on side streets / back roads, I’m kind of freaking out.  The sun being out and driving north, is reminding me of July 6th and it’s around the same time that my accident occurred {which was around 3:30pm and today I’m driving home around 4pm}.  Inside I’m full of anxiety.  I’m nauseous and my stomach hurts.  Going around a bend, it looked like the car on the inside lane was coming into my lane so I swerved to the left slightly.  I have no idea if he was coming into my lane or not, though.

Every car that gets behind me, I’m afraid is going to rear-end me if they’re following too closely or come up behind me too fast.

I’m ultra-aware and it’s kind of making me crazy.

I spoke with the guy from the body shop yesterday.  This was our conversation:

Tom {Body Shop Guy}:  Were you in the car when the accident happened?

Me: Yeah, I was the driver.

Tom: Wow, yeah that was a HARD hit!

Me: {snorting / chuckling} Um yeah, I know!  I’m just glad I was wearing my seatbelt because I flung forward 2x’s, when I hit and then when I got hit, bam-bam!  I’m really surprised my face didn’t hit the steering wheel!

Tom: And the airbags didn’t go off!  I’m really surprised by that because that was a HARD hit!

Me: I was really surprised they didn’t go off too!  Is that because it didn’t hit in the right place or something?

Tom: Most likely.  But if the hit had been any harder, they would’ve gone off, I’m sure! {Explains a little about the pressure points of airbags or something like that.}

Tom: So we have your car all un-assembled right now and we’re looking at Tuesday or Wednesday before it’s gonna be ready…blah blah blah.

We got off the phone after we finished talking about some more details about when we’d get it, etc.

We’ve had this car/truck/SUV/whatever you want to call it, I call it a car, since December 2006 and LOVE IT, but the more I think about driving it again, the more anxious I get.  Is that normal?  I’m, mostly, fine driving my MIL’s car, but just the thought of getting in my vehicle and driving it again is making me nauseous.

At the same time, the more I hear about the damage that was done and how UN-damaged I am after walking away from the accident, I’m convinced that angels were surrounding my car and/or me!  The airbag not going off, I think was a blessing in disguise because I could’ve been severely injured from something that is theoretically supposed to save lives.  I have neck and back pain and I had a pretty nasty bruise from my seat belt, but I WALKED away from the accident.  Thank you, Jesus!!  I had angels watching over me that day!

I guess I just need to continue to pray that this anxiety and fear over driving in general, and driving my car again will go away!

But please tell me it’s normal to be this anxious about all this!

Ok, I know this is long already but I wanted to tell you what happened on Sunday morning.

We sleep with our window cracked open most of the time so obviously we’re going to hear more than if it was closed.  Over all, we live in a pretty quiet area.  We live off of a main road that people like to speed on though, so we hear a lot of peeling out and that kind of noise.  Then, behind our house, there’s a pretty quiet neighborhood.  You can go in somewhat of a circle through / around it.

So, Sunday morning around 4 am, Chewy decides that he needs to go potty.  Kyle gets up to let him out and when he’s out there, he hears a car or two RACING around the neighborhood behind us.  Going probably around 60 MPH!  Pretty sure it’s 25 MPH over there!!  So he’s standing at the door and I’m in bed sleeping but I sort of notice the racing but I’m not awake enough to really realize what it is.  Suddenly, one of the cars comes around the corner and SLAMS right into a chain link fence {knocking over a tree too}!  I heard it and popped up in bed.  I was trying to figure out where the accident had happened and what had been hit.  It sounded HORRIBLE!!  Kyle raced upstairs and looked out the window.  He saw two kids run out of there {we’re pretty sure the car that they crashed was stolen, too, just out for a joy-ride}.  Then he went to the front window of the house to see if he could see them running up the street.  He didn’t.  But he stood there for 10-15 minutes and then he saw the cops come.  He put on some clothes and walked over there and told the police what he saw.  They jumped in their cars and headed in the direction that Kyle had pointed them.  He came home and turned on the police scanner {he has an app on his phone} and they caught the kids about 20 minutes later!!  Woohoo!!

Meanwhile, I had listened for the police but didn’t hear them coming and I fell back to sleep.  I had a dream about the accident.

For part of this dream, you have to know that we have some monster kids that live in our neighborhood / cul de sac.  Seriously, they’re beyond obnoxious {and I love kids, but these kids just, UGH, hard to understand unless you live here and deal with them every day} and we’ve all told them repeatedly to stay off our property, not to play on our cars / under our porches / UNDER our cars/ in our gardens and they do. not. listen.  So now that you know that… 

In this dream there was this type of fence between the house to the right of us and our house {so random, so strange!}:

{Photo Source}

The accident in my dream happened right as you’re coming down the hill to our street.

But for some reason, HUNDREDS of people were coming and putting condolences on the fence between our two houses and then traipsing through our yard to the street behind us, completely avoiding the accident site all together.  It made no sense to me so I went outside and was screaming at the top of my lungs “GET OUT OF MY YARD!!” over and over again {which I think comes from dealing with the monster children that live here, daily}.  I went over to the fence and I ripped it all down and brought it over to where the accident in my dream happened.  Then, when I was trying to cross the street, I almost got run over and my heart, while I was sleeping, started pounding out of my chest.  I also saw the tow truck hauling away the vehicle and it was almost unrecognizable {which I think I’m subconsciously scared could’ve happened to me in my accident}.

Dreams are so crazy!  I think I’ve been traumatized by life recently!

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