NIAW: What NOT To Say To An Infertile

On Saturday evening we got together with some friends.  It was a PERFECT day.

For me, the day began in the morning with getting together with my three childhood best friends.  One of them is here visiting from California, for Easter.  She’s here with her three month old baby girl and hubby.  It was so great to get to spend the morning visiting and catching up with each other, sitting in the sun on this friends parents deck.  The first sunny day, that included warmth with the sun, in months!

And I got to snuggle her precious little bundle.  Throughout the day, there were some emotional stings, but that’s just because of my situation, not because of anything any of my friends said or did. 

When I left there, I knew that I was going to see my other {high school} best friend and other really good friend, as well as their hubs and kids, for dinner.

It’s been so, so, SO long since the six of us have gotten together with each other so that was going to be fun catching up with them all as well.

My best friends hub recently brewed his own beer so the guys were going to have fun with that, anddddd they definitely did!!

The kids and dogs played outside in the yard and that was fun.  One of the little guys cracks me up.  Every time we walk in the door to their house, he’s the first one to tell me he has something to show me and ask if I want to see it.  This day, he wanted to show me his new Easter shirt and pants.  I always indulge him because he’s just too cute to say no to.

While we were outside playing, I got to play with my best friends little guy.  I helped him swing and go down the slide.  He’s so smiley you can’t help but fall in love with him!

After awhile dinner was all fixed up and eaten and then the kids were all running around like the characters they are.  It was SO LOUD!!  All the adults had to yell to be heard.  And there was only five kids there.  As Kyle pointed out, it was hard to believe that five kids could make all that noise.  It sounded more like it was 12 kids running around.

At one point, my best friends husband looks at me and says,

“And you think you want all of this loud chaos?”

I just looked at him, looked at the kids, looked back at him and said, nicely,

“Don’t ask me that question.”

He responded, “I guess that’s a yes.”  

He was apologetic for saying that to me.  I’m sure it never occurred to him that there are some things that just shoudn’t be said.  I mean, there’s not very many people, that I’m aware of, that he knows are infertile.  I think maybe Kyle and me and one or two other couples that they’ve been close with over the years that have dealt with infertility in one way or another.  It’s hard to know what is ok to say and what isn’t, I get that.

I couldn’t hold it against him that he didn’t know the correct etiquette in speaking with / to an infertile, but I also couldn’t just let it go.  That’s why I answered him as nicely as I could.  I wasn’t mad, it just stung because more than anything, I would love to have a house full of my own kids making a bunch of racket.  Those that are able to get pregnant so easily just don’t know what that feeling is like though.

What I wouldn’t give to have that chaos.
What I wouldn’t give to be woken up in the middle of the night, multiple times, by my crying baby.
What I wouldn’t give to have a house that is child-proofed and child-friendly for more than just the occasional visitor that has young kids.
What I wouldn’t give to have to change diapers multiple times a day.
What I wouldn’t give to be spit up on.
What I wouldn’t give to do all of those things that are required when you have children in your life.

What I wouldn’t give to have a baby of my own to love and cherish like all of those around me.

April 24 – April 30

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week.  Learn more about what infertility is here.  If you’re looking for some books that deal with infertility, you can find my recommendations here.


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