Our Story

The short:
I’m a 33 year old woman with dreams of being a mommy. Kyle, my husband, and I have been married for 11 years. We’ve been trying, unsuccessfully, to have a baby for 10 years. We are weighing our options of what to do next. Infertility is a part of us, but it does not define us. Follow along as I share about infertility and living life to the fullest.


The Long:
Our story begins when Kyle and I were in fourth grade, but I won’t go into all the details from back then.  Suffice to say, Kyle had cooties and I didn’t like him.
In eighth grade, I beat him up.  He still starred at me with a twinkle in his eye, from across the table when I wasn’t looking.
The summer after eight grade, I had a change of heart and I decided that I now had a crush on Kyle.
January 1st of our freshman year in high school, Kyle asked me to be his girlfriend.  Then we shared our first Valentine’s Day together. Awwww.  We also got into trouble together.
We were together throughout high school and then we broke up the July after we graduated.  About a year later, we got back together.  And then we got engaged.  Five months and one day later, we got married.
I always knew that I wanted to be a mom, even when I was very young.  My mom says that I used to be a little mother to my sister and she eventually had to tell me to let my sister do things on her own so she’d learn.  That was very sad for me because I enjoyed doing things for my sister.
I started my period when I was about 12 and even from the beginning, it was never regular.  I’ve always had the gut feeling that things were not going to be easy when the time came to try to conceive (TTC).
And they haven’t been.At the beginning of our trying to conceive journey, I began charting.  I’d heard about it online so I decided it would be a good thing to do.  A lot of people use Fertility Friend for charting, but at the beginning I didn’t.  I used the charting system that came with the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility.  Then we had a computer crash and I lost two years worth of charts.  Eventually I did move onto using Fertility Friend too and I was so dedicated to taking my basal body temp (BBT) and checking my cervical mucus.  I still chart, mildly, now.  But I just chart when I start my period, when we have sex and when my period ends.  I haven’t taken my temp in over three years.
In 2003, when it was obvious that things weren’t going as planned, I asked my family doctor for a referral to an OB/GYN that specialized in fertility.
While seeing her, she put me on Clomid, did lots of blood work, and I had a few different ultrasounds to see if there were any cysts {which, at the time, there were none.  At least non that anyone ever told me about.  I still don’t know if there were any to this day.}  Also while I was seeing her, she didn’t think that there was any reason to worry about getting pregnant even though we’d been TTC for about two to three years by now.  I was pretty adamant about getting something done so she FINALLY, prescribed an HSG for me.  But I never got it.  I don’t even know why since I was the one that begged her to let me do it.  During this time, Kyle also got a sperm analysis done.  She saw some areas of concern but Kyle didn’t think it was any big deal so he never went to the urologist that she suggested he see.Also, during this time, I bought a fertility monitor and I used that for quite awhile, but because my cycles were, first, irregular and then I was on Clomid {which can mess with the results}, it never helped me.  I eventually sold it.Another thing that I did was acupuncture.  It was amazing.  I loved it so much but insurance would only cover 12 visits a year.  I saw my acupuncturist for a year and I paid over $1,200 out of pocket to do so, but it was worth it.  That $1,200 didn’t include all of the herbs that she wanted me to take, which I did.  I didn’t enjoy that part.  It tasted like I was drinking dirt.  While I was seeing her, she suggested I quit drinking coffee.  Oh how I love my coffee.  But I didn’t drink coffee or caffeine for about two years!  I eventually decided that I couldn’t live without it any longer and slowly started reintroducing it.  I was still trying to be good with only have it occasionally, but that didn’t last long.

Over the years I’ve had a couple different episodes with bursting ovarian cysts.  The first time it happened I was never told what happened, this was also right before we officially started trying to conceive.  The second time it happened, it gave me such crippling pain that I was laying on the kitchen floor in the fetal position for at least an hour and Kyle had no idea what to do for me.  Thankfully this hasn’t happened again, but there are other issues.
My periods are short, like three days.  My cycles range anywhere between 24 days to 58 days.  I’d say the average length of a cycle is about 30-35 days, but my cycles go in cycles.  There’s no rhythm or reason.  My cramps are crippling and debilitating if I don’t get meds in me before they start.  So when I know that AF is around the corner, I start with the ibuprofen.
In 2007, when we’d been trying for about five years with no luck, just lots of heartache and disappointment, I decided that I’d had enough.  I NEEDED to do something else besides just wait around and “see what happens”.  We’d been doing that for too long already.  I asked my OB/GYN for a referral to a reproductive endocrinologist {RE}.
July 31, 2007, we had the first tests for that office done.  They finally told me my blood type since I never knew.  They tested my TSH, Prolactin and looked to see if I was immune to the Rubella virus.  I also, finally, had an HSG done some time in there and my tubes were open and clear.
August 21, 2007, Kyle had a blood test and an Acrosome Reaction Test done.  His SA’s have always been borderline normal / less-than-average.
September 5, 2007, the day before my 28th birthday, we began our first IUI with Clomid cycle.  They checked my ovaries and follicle size.  September 15th and 17th, they measured my ovaries / follicles again and they drew blood for LH, FSH, and Estradiol.  That cycle didn’t work.
October 13th and 15th, they did more measuring of ovaries / follicles for our second IUI cycle with Clomid.  That cycle didn’t work. November 12th and 14th, for the third and last IUI cycle with Clomid they did more measuring of ovaries / follicles.  And once again, the cycle didn’t work.
We were beyond devastated.  So much money that we didn’t have, down the drain.I suspect that I’ve got a mild to moderate case of endometriosis, but it’s never been confirmed.  Or possibly polycystic ovarian syndrome {PCOS}, but again, unconfirmed.  After our last IUI cycle, I was supposed to go back when my period started to have the doctor examine my insides, while on my period, but I never went back because we were flat out of money and I knew we weren’t going to be doing another cycle.
In August of 2010, I was in college and taking a course on health.  We had to write a paper on something that related to health but there weren’t really any restrictions.  I immediately knew what I was going to write about.  After I wrote the paper and turned it in, I shared it here.  I had wanted to find out about Celiac disease and how it relates to or affects fertility.  Shortly after writing that paper, I went gluten-free and have been learning all I can about it since then.  I’m praying that one day, the effects of being gluten-free will result in my body healing itself enough to get pregnant naturally.Here we are now, in May of 2011 {almost}, and we’re no further to figuring out what we’re going do than we were back then.  We’ve thought about adoption, we’ve thought about IVF, we’ve thought about all the different things we could do, but it ALL takes money.  Everything.  And we just don’t have it.  At this point, it’s going to take a miracle or some large inheritance to get us any closer to a baby.
So we wait.  And we pray.

~~~~~
In October 2011 I wrote a post about Redbook Magazine’s “The Truth About Trying” Infertility Campaign. You can read that post here.  I made a video for the campaign which you can watch here:

 

~~~~~

Last Edited January 2012.

To read more about my thoughts on infertility throughout the years, click here: Infertility Posts

signature

Comments

  1. Thanks for sharing your story! I know this journey isn’t fun and it seems like it has no end. Praying for and the hubs.

  2. our story is so similar! I’m sorry that you’re going thru the same heartbreak that I am. thanks for sharing the “whole story.”

  3. wow, what heartache you’ve been through…. does your fertility clinic have any free trials? I know a friend who got her IVF for free, minus the meds, this way. Unfort..i never qualified for my clinics..i either had to have PCOS or be 35 and older…neither of which i have. Also, have you checked the states around you, sometimes IVF is cheaper. I wish you nothing but peace on your journey and hope something falls into your lap soon!! Thanks for sharing ur story.

  4. Thanks for sharing your story so openly! I think it really makes those of us who got pregnant unexpectedly really treasure the gift that it is. I hope that you will have success soon!

    -Tiffany
    myscentsualjourney.blogspot.com
    http://www.beyondmagical.com

  5. Thanks for sharing Megan! That was where our problem stemmed too. If we had the money, we would be Mommy and Daddy by now! I will continue to pray for you that you and Kyle get the answer to your prayers. You are a great woman and I know you will be an amazing Mom!!
    xoxoxoxo
    ~Michelle

  6. Thank you so much for sharing your story. we are going through some similar and everyone is telling me “you should adopt” well it is quite costly to adopt and it isn’t like you can use medical insurance (which I think we should be able to)Our credit is crap so we can’t get a loan and I just don’t want to go the foster route as it would be to heartbreaking and I know I would get to attached. **sigh** again thank you for being so honest and open.

  7. wow Alison! That was heavy and heard to read – but also hard to stop. I have been down your road and there is so much I want to say to you to encourage you. It broke my heart when I read what you call yourself, Infertile Myrtle, I know you said that you don’t try to let the infertility define you but words are so powerful. I am a Myrtle and people use to joke about that when my husband and I were having trouble trying. It always crushed me a little inside. Please e-mail me, I would love to share our experience with you to encourage you. marmeescircle@hotmail.ca

  8. Alison,

    We have a friend who have a similar story … and they just recently adopted a baby girl, and I tell you that baby girl is meant to be theirs. They are so precious as a family…. oh I wish you can meet them.

    I will be sending a link of your blog to her and she might be interested in contacting you.

    My brother and sister in law also had t wait … for a long time … and they now have a boy.

    I said a prayer for you and will do so everytime I come to visit your blog. I am glad you are blogging – its a great way to meet new friends.

    Liza

  9. Hi Megan,

    While I was reading your story it sounded very similar to my own. I suffered with infertility and its devestating effects for over five years. I also had irregular periods that were between 28 and 42days long. Have you thought about the possiblity of you having PCOS?

    Luckily, I was sent to a fertility specialist and my insurance paid for a majority of it. I was put on Metformin for three months then put on Clomid for two cycles under monitoring then given an HSG shot release the egg. It actually worked to my surprise. Honestly, I really didn’t think it would work.

    Email if you want to chat more… rita {at} measmom {dot} com

  10. I have endometriosis. I thought I wouldn’t be able to have kids either. Lupron saved my life. It had awful menopausal side effects, but cleared up everything in order for me to have babies.

    I pray that you’ll find your answers.

  11. I found your blog via Jingle’s. I read your story and I totally feel for you. My hubby and I spent 5 years, 6 IUI and 2 IVF (conceived on the second IVF) before we got our beautiful twins….they are 8 now. Five years later we were blessed with a miracle baby girl (no treatment).

    I just want to encourage you not to give up hope….we too had exhausted all our funds and were so tired of the treatment. But all was worth it in the end. There are some ways that we were able to save….email if you want more info about how we were able to reduce the cost if IVF a little.

    I wish you the best.
    Corri

  12. I am praying for you and your husband that you are blessed with the desires of your heart!

  13. Thank you so much for sharing your story! I just happened upon your blog and could not believe what I was reading – We are totally in the same boat. We’ve tried clomid, charting with Taking Charge of your Fertility, three unsuccessful cycles of IUI, HSG done with no blockage, my period lasts 2 to 3 days with extremely debilitating cramps, my husband was tested and is fine, my hormone levels are balanced, and we’ve had 31 months of disappointment.
    I now make and sell diaper cakes and work full time in a baby store, and I am still believing it will happen someday. I believe God’s timing is perfect and mine isn’t. He is teaching me every day to lean on him more and more.

    I will be praying for you and your husband. Again, thank you for sharing your story publicly – it’s comforting to know that someone out there in this big world knows exactly what we’re going through.

    Take care and keep looking upwards!

    Natalie

  14. Thank you for sharing your story, I will keep you and your husband in my prayers. We went through multiple pregnancy losses spent a ton of money on fertility testing.

  15. Let me share something that you may not have looked into. It’s worth a shot and it certainly won’t cost what all of those bills did. It costs commitment, that’s all.

    I am asking as a Celiac that you try a gluten-free diet. You may be suprised that your fertility problems are from an underlying allergy to wheat and Celiac disease. It can be silent with no symptoms other than your infertility.

    Please consider it. Please. I can’t say for sure that after 30+ years it will fix but, it’s worth a try.

    http://www.celiaccentral.org/Celiac-Disease/Related-Diseases/Infertility/41/

    Read this article 🙂

    – Priscilla

  16. I also forgot to add, if you decide to use my suggestion, do NOT pay for a test to see if you have Celiac. They are expensive and worthless for the most part. Try a gluten-freed iet for a few months and then try to concieve. You may be suprised.

    I hope this is the answer. I hate to think that you couldn’t have a child. I will pray for you.

    Lots of love
    Priscilla

  17. I found your blog through Kelly’s Korner’s book link-in and thought I’d recommend a book to you that just released this week called “Dear God, Why Can’t I Have a Baby?” You can browse through it on Amazon and I also wrote about it on my blog: http://www.keepinginteutsch.blogspot.com.

  18. Have they ruled out PCOS? Before I found out I had a mild case of it, I was taking Clomid and it wasn’t working, but once they prescribed taking both Clomid and metformin (a drug for insulin resistance, which is what PCOS has to do with), I got pregnant on the first cycle.

  19. I’m not sure if you’ve ever heard of this blog/website or not, but its about changing your diet to improve chances of fertility naturally. http://www.naturallyknockedup.com
    The author suffered from PCOS and was able to over come it by dietary changes.. good luck!

  20. Hi! I just came across your blog. I felt lke I was reading my own story. Please email me. Heathergcsu@yahoo.com

  21. Thank you so very much for sharing your story Megan! It feels extremely similar to our story. I will say that this was the first Mother’s Day that really hit me hard in the face, and reading yours and the other gal’s stories is somehow comforting and hopeful.
    I am praying for you and your husband.

    Sarah

  22. Hello,

    I can relate in so many ways. My husband and I tried for years, poured money into failed IUI’s and countless fertility tests. I had surgery and had stage 4 endo.. That explained the painful periods and trouble conceiving. We tried another two years and nothing. We finally went for IVF and it worked… I was shocked because I never thought it would happen, never. Hang in there and enjoy the family you have now.. You and your hubby look like a very happy family!

  23. Please go and get that HSG done, it really is one of the most important tests! You may be falling pregnant and have toxic fluid from your tubes leaking into your uterus, killing the embryos.

    I also just went gluten free, and I really believe it can have a huge impact on fertility. Good luck!

  24. This comment has been removed by the author.

  25. Hi Megan! Thanks for sharing your story. I am sure you continue to find there are so many similar infertile couples out there. I hope they help you.

    My wife & I are among those couples. We went through the infertility crucible and came out. However ours is not a typical story that odds-be-damned ends with a cherished miracle. She had a hysterectomy in 2009, putting an end to those lifelong plans. It was the only way to treat her crushing endometriosis.

    Although the strength of our relationship carried us beyond that time, it took the help of an invaluable infertility therapist, kind family and trusted friends. Without them, mourning the miscarriages and internalizing our situation would have been impossibly arduous. Letting go of a lifetime of desires and expectations while trying to redefine and reorient yourself is not easy.

    So many people will encourage you to keep trying to conceive or adopt and you should take strength in that. I want to tell you that the two of you can choose the child-free alternative. It will challenge you anew to find a way to embrace the direction. Know that you can.

    We are no longer the-couple-that-can’t-conceive. The desire will never leave. Instead we find ways to take joy in each other, our careers, hobbies and the people around us.

    Our story is part of our blog. It contains some rants, heart-wrenching stories and eventually us dealing with things. May you and your readers take some strength from our story.

  26. I love that I found your blog and thanks so much for telling your story. Going to be reading much more but I found a link when googling celiac and infertility. My husband and I have been ttc for six years now with no explanation but I’m always looking to learn new things. We also have failed to follow though with getting all the proper testing done.I’m always looking up random possibilities online and I saw on here about you taking ibuprofen for horrible cramps. I’ve always had very bad cramps and the only thing to help me is aleve. Recently I found a few(not many)articles about NSAIDs causing infertility mainly problems with ovulation and implantation. So two months without any NSAIDs so
    far….not pregnant but my cycle seems to have regulated.
    Could be just a coincidence as I started taking vitamins
    then too but I know anything new is always interesting to
    look into/ try out. Sorry if this is something you’re already
    aware of as I’ve only read a small amount of your blog.
    Praying you get your bfp soon! And props to you for giving up coffee for two years!

  27. Thanks for sharing! My husband and I have been TTC for 6 years now. It is a frustrating process and hard when their are options but the money just isn’t there. I struggle with do I spend more money on TTC and having less to care for my future child. 🙁 I’m currently on my 1st dose of clomid, metformin, and bromocriptine; although I took these drugs for 6 cycles two years ago. I’ve had an MRI to rule out pituarity tumors. Thanks for sharing your post it helps me know that I’m not alone.

  28. Thans for sharing! You are brave souls, there are a lt of us out here! Silent suffering! It truely sucks! People don’t understand the pain of this. A friend of mine just got diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer, youshould see the people who rally to supporther. As they should, as she deserves. Me included. But since this my old infertility tears have come swollowing bck into my life. No one really rallies around infertal people, no one does bake sales nd fundraisers to help with medical cost. It makes you feel so alone. People whoo haven’t been here don’t get it. I am sad because I never imagined I’d be here. I am a strong, couragous, happy pediatric nurse. And just when I have my lump swollowed down my throat, something brings it up an I brake. Of course privately, alone because o one really understands. ~hopeless in Seattle!

  29. Megan,
    It was so nice to ready your story. Our story is similar, and I’m hoping to start a blog soon. We have been trying 5+ years, and I went GF over a year ago. Unexplained, and just trying to live life. Taking some time now to work on me and my health, and trying my best to destress.
    Would love to hear from you. So glad I found your blog.

    Carly

  30. I am new to blogging, & found your blog thru someone else that I follow.

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. 8 years seems like a lifetime, compared to my 3 1/2. I look forward to following, & someday(soon) seeing the post announcing your pregnancy, 🙂

    http://ouremptyarmsjourney.blogspot.com/

  31. Megan,

    I can definitely relate to your struggles. Infertility is a awful situation to deal with. I was just diagnosed with it a 3 months ago after 9 years of unsuccessfully TTC. Unfortunately for me i waited to long to get myself checked and now I will never be able to have my long dreamed babies. I suffer from premature ovarian aging and apparently since I also suffer from fibromalgya, both worked together to leave me at the age of 37 with no eggs. I am devastated, emotionally empty, and totally depressed. I just can understand why ME? My sisters each have 4 kids and my mother gave birth to 6 children, 1 almost in her 40’s.I try not to be angry at God, but it is really hard especially when he keeps blessing all the women around me with pregnancies, some that are not even wanted.My husband want us to try to with donated eggs or adoption. However, what he doesn’t get is that we do not have or have any changes to ever get 25k to accomplish this. I guess I will have to start planning for a childless life which will take a lot of prayer. Good luck to you.

    Glenda
    gquinones6@bellsouth.net

  32. Megan,
    Thank you so much for sharing your story. I also struggle with infertility. We have only been trying to a year and a half but it feels like a lifetime. Your story made me feel like I wasn’t alone in this process. For that, I say thank you!
    My husband and I have been referred to see a RE, after seeing my OB/GYN for the past year and a half and getting the same “just wait and see” answer every time. I feel that there is something going on with my body and even though that “wait and see” attitude may work for some people, it doesn’t for me. So I’m going to the next step.
    Thank you again for sharing your story. I look forward to reading more of your blogs!

    Stephanie

  33. Hi there! I ran across your blog through a friend’s blog. I love how candid you are and honest. It is so hard to go through this and feel alone. I’m going to start following your blog if you don’t mind. 🙂

  34. Thank you so much for sharing your story, I was looking for other posts about infertility and stumbled on yours. My best friend and her husband are struggling with infertility and I have had numerous miscarriages. It’s always comforting to know you aren’t alone. I commend you for being so candid.

    Sam
    http://whatfaithcando8.blogspot.com/

  35. Best of luck to you on your TTC journey! We have been trying for baby number two for two years now.

  36. Hi! Just want to say I love your blogs. I just started my own blog and wanted to know someone else’s experiences with TTC. Best of luck to you!!

  37. Thank you so much for your blog! I know that its not easy trying to conceive in a world full of “fertile myrtles” and its so nice to hear that you’re not alone. My sister and I just started our own blog about the same issue =]

    Sincerely,
    Sister H and Sister K
    theinfertilesisters.blogspot.com

  38. Thank you for sharing your story. I found out I had IF when I was 23. After 2 years of drugs, surgeries and a failed adoption we got pregnant using Metformin. I have PCOS and stage 3 endo. I’m now 27 and we’re in our second year of TTC #2.

    It is hard in every way imaginable, but worth it in the end. Praying for you.

  39. Thanks for sharing. I’m in the same boat as a lot of your followers. I have confirmed PCOS, endometriosis, and hypothyroidism. I just had surgery for the endo and am on meds for the other 2. We have been TTC for 2 years now and it’s such a challenge month after month to be disappointed.

  40. Ran across your blog on Pinterest. I just found out yesterday that our first IUI with clomid and injections did not take. It was devastating. People try to consul you, but honestly if I have to hear “It will happen when it is meant to” or “Everything happens for a reason”, or even “just relax and don’t stress” one more time….I will just scream. We have been TTC for 4 years. I found out I have stage 3 endo and low egg quantity.
    It was so nice to read through and hear that we are not alone. Everyone in our life are posting sonograms photos to Facebook or announcing they are pregnant. Sometimes you just feel so alone. Thank you for writing this blog.

  41. This comment has been removed by the author.

  42. Praying for you and DH.. Hope it all works out.. We are going through some of the same things. Having a surgery on Monday to remove one of my tubes and a large cyst. =\

    Check out my blog if you’re interested .. It’s great that you are sharing your story!
    Prayingforbabydust.blogspot.com

Speak Your Mind

*

MyFreeCopyright.com Registered & Protected | | Get your own free Blogoversary button! | Online Marketing - OnToplist.com |

Hit Counter
Visitors Since February 2, 2009